2015

Please forgive me as this post will seem unfocused but i've got to start on this now. My brain is clouded and anxious, having trouble focusing enough to elaborate on my thoughts.

One thing I've been thinking about is how a few select books, music, art have withstood the test of time. What makes these so great? Talent and dedication have almost everything to do with it. But look back to the 1800's to now and see all the distractions we have. You used to have to go out for a distraction, but now they all reside within our homes. Would Charles Dickens have been as great or as dedicated if his distractions were always withing arm's reach? I think not. How do I apply this to myself - so that I do not lose sight of my desires and turn on the TV? It's time to let go of the most distractive of distractions? Time to let go the 52" flat screen TV and watch sports at the bar? It's a spectacular thought when you consider that going to the bar is more expensive, but I don't expect "barring" it up on a daily basis, as I've often found myself doing with the TV. Time to retire it.

But what if i do. what will become of me, will i do what i want, or fall further into a stupor, or sleep all the time, or worse? It's scary to think that all i may learn is that i'm a sloth, a do-nothing. What if that revelation? What do i do then? What would be the point of living? To go on as i have been?

So without the TV, i'm bound to be succomed with boredom, am i not? What if my subconscious, my creativity, my desires are loosed? What then? Write more? Draw more? Learn the harmonica? Learn a new language? My gods, what will the four nerds do if i'm not there to rewatch their reruns?

Destined for the graveyard too are the dinner table (i never use it), my bedroom furniture (who needs it? and it's so big - i feel that the Brobdingnagianism of it overcomes me as i imagine moving it from apartment to apartment. I'ts much too big, anyways, since a two-bedroom apartment seems like soooo much - soooo much unused space, what's the point of having all those square feet if only to vacuum it? This spring i expect to move into a small 1-bedroom or studio apartment/condo. if the latter, i'll definitely need to sell the bed cabinets.